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I've not been posting in this blog for such a long time. I know, i know. I feel so bad and i'm sorry about it.

So, what's up with you guys? I've not talked to you guys for such a long time. I've said it twice. Sorry!

I'm fine, myself. It's 28th of September right now and i couldn't think of any better thing other than my birthday that's coming up so SOON!

You all know that my birthday is on November the first. I am so excited every time it's almost my birthday. It's nice to finally be back on the day I was born. I got to get a lot of presents and attention???

I love the cakes and sparkles, and the celebrations. Balloons!
I love pink balloons they're the cutest thiingggg ever, especially the helium ones. They could float away, soar into the sky... i just wish that my balloons won't float immediately afterwards. Lol.

By the way, I am a senior in my senior high school now. I am so stRESSED OUT. you see, i have been really working and grinding so hard. i have to go to inten nowadays, on monday and friday. and on the intensive days, i will have to go 3 days a week! mon-wed-fri. thATS SO CRAZY.
also in the next time i am so shitted because i have to study really hard because its almost the frickin tests and exams and i cant its too much.
there are a LOT of exams and i just cant understand how am i gonna face it. of course, i will study and prepare myself- but its just so much you know. i know that i have to study from these days, but its just- too much.

also, i want to tell you about how bad my anxiety disorder has been. its getting worse, you see? it's so crazy because i could panic every single time and i'm so shitted everytime. i hate to see how pathetic i am everytime i start to panic. i got worried pretty fast and i am so sad to think about it. i hope i will recover, really. i wish i could recover asap because its almost tests and exams week and i have to be so ready for it. not just prepared academically, but also mentally.
i hope im recovering fast. i need to.

i also want to share about my math teacher. she is scaring me. idk why, i mean she's nice but she has this difficulties in her exams. she also teaches people fast and it makes me feel so stupid and dumb. i dont quite understand what she's teaching us. when i do, i will think i'm smart and im gonna be so proud of myself, but then when i take the exams or tests i will be so sad because i will feel dumb and its just i will think about it ALL THE TIME. because im scared that the score's gonna be bad.

my friend, falea she became a smart student. she understands the materials and she could do the exams. i feel beat and i m sad about it. its just like junior high again, where she gets 37 and all i get is just 36. i dont want to be beaten by her. she needs to teach me , but when she taught me i could tell her the answers and i could understand the materials better. it just makes me feel sad and depressed because she could do the exams while her brain and mine is almost the same, but she got a better score. im sad and devastated about this and all i can do is just cry in my bedroom.

i hope that i could do the maths right. i need to, but im trying. and i feel like all of my hard work hasnt paid off for math. in the sophomore year, i got really good scores. like REALLY GOOD. all of my exams are 100. i feel so smart at math. but suddenly, on my senior year- i got 63 for the first time ever i take the exam. i feel so sad and dumb and unworthy. i m scared, seriously. i wish i could be smarter. falea got 94, she is smart now and i just feel left behind i feel sad and all.

plus now everyone is just so ambitious, im placed in the middle class where people just doesnt get so diligent and im scared that my class is gonna shit on me. i wish that it wont, though. the other two classes they are developing. and i dont think that mine does. but after all, my class is so solid. its nice. but its also kindof stupid how many boys in my class are just so noisy and annoying. and i need to focus and concentrate on the exams but i cant im scared im so pessimistic. i know i need to be optimistic but i couldnt because i think about stuffs more than how i should think about them and i feel so sad and confused i just...

i just need someone to assure me. to tell me that everythings gonna be alright, and they WILL ACTUALLY BE. i need guidance. i need to reassure myself and tell myself that its gonna be OK and get myself together, but i just cant. i need someone to tell me that i will and i could and i can. and it will actually happen.
i prayed to God every single time and i hope that my dreams could be achieved soon. i am so scared whats gonna happen next, but at the same time im also sure but im scared still. i need to cry.

but i have cried way too much.

my eyes were swollen when i came to school on Wednesday, 27th September 2017. why? because the last night i cried too much i could feel my eyes started to form this 'meat' in front of my eyelids and or my eyelids just became really thick and its so scary and saddening.
i just hope that all of my dreams and hopes will actually come true. i really do.

that's all from me, i hope youre having a great day wherever you are. Me, in the future reading this.
I hope you're at the faculty and at the university that you have always wanted to get in, International Affairs in University of Indonesia or University of Airlangga. Aamiin.

I hope you're reading this with a smile on your face and tell me, "you're being too much, you know?" hehe because now you're actually achieving all of your dreams that i doubted right now. tonight.

i hope you're happy, me in the future. i hope youre in the bright future i am dreaming of right now.

I love you still!

(ps. i actually started to think of going abroad and studying international materials, idk but i have to find scholarships for those but i dont know the regulations and stuffs. i thought its cool to actually be asked 'where do you study now?' and im just like 'MIT' or 'Yale' or 'Harvard' or maybe not those real top universities but the simplest ones but still a foreign one. I dont really know, to be honest.)

i'm glad that i talked to you tonight, me. really. i feel like i have to tell someone about how i feel, and i know i got you and you got me. xoxo !!!

L-l-love y-you!

tough day

Dec. 21st, 2016 07:02 pm
vlixzies: (Default)

today is December 21st 2016. Can you believe it? we're almost done with this year, just 10 more days to go (yeah bcs its a 31-month)

and HELL YEA im ready for a change. Not Exactly.

so today, i was super annoyed most of the time, well- actually since a very long time ago I was so annoyed with myself and everyone around me.
But there are still some good things happening today tho.

first thing first, yesterday, i wrote a fanfic or imagine.. and i posted it on my new Tumblr. it is BLOWING. like lITERALLY. i was so surprised and i was lyk reALLY??! cause i didn't even think it'll be a good one. i just randomly made one, and turns out- people LOVED it!
i the morning people were going HAM on that thing man, like i would get every single notification just about that imagine. and even in the night, it's still going! i was so happy-- ofcourse. i am so happy and glad that people finally enjoys what i love to do most, and it's so amazing.
It's now reaching the number 76 notes and still growing (I hope).
I mean, its not that big of a number- but its still very big cause i saw other people's first imagine was like only 5 notes and so, but mine got 76 notes and also I got so many reblogs and likes, it was just so exceptional and wonderful!

I am so grateful.

my mom was being a complete annoying today. i'm serious. she always have something in mind to tell me and be mad to me about, it's so annoying. i am too tired to like- face her again y'know? cause of her being so mad and moody atst.

basically, i did everything myself today- from the very first time i woke up in the morning. i SWEPT the floor, i IRONED the clothes, i even TIDIED UP the house. but my BROTHERS- they're so annoying they don't even get any chores and what they do all day was just PLAYING and MAKING EVERYTHING MESSY- but yet my mom still is very mad at me and kept on telling me stuffs to do and it;s just so annoying like, can you for a SECOND ask your lovely little SONS of there to work- over ME??? like i was so stressed out m8 :(

she even still is very mad until this miNUTE like seriously?? she was just scolded me with her annoying-ness because of the flippin' invitation that was wrong address and NOT actually for this house. you know what? i RECEIVED it, since your precious little SON that doesn't even want to work for any single THING were too busy with his thing that is so annoying and lAZY and yet you still is very mad with someone that actually DID the job?!

how shitty is that?

Man... i need a break. from everything like i wanna go away and just have a nice sip of coffee, y'know. for ONCE please.
Yet again, she and everyone else in this family will think that i'm hanging out with my friends- just to frickin SPEND ALL OF MY MONEY on TRASHY THINGS AND JUNK FOODS.

I'm NOT. Clearly.

they were always like that. telling me things that is NOT true. like they will judge me for something that isn't true, and when im telling them the right things, they will be even more mad cause they will tell me that i'm so BRAVE and i started to hate them and im ungrateful and all. its just........

too much, you know?

hhh... i wish i could fly and just go away cause i really need a va-ca, man. Really bad.

I always wanted to go to another country, always. I want to travel the world- and have the beautiful experience that nobody else has. I want to see every single thing that are different than in my own country- I want to learn other countries' cultures. I want to befriend their locals, and such. It's just an awesome dream for me, you know. I dreamt about so many things, for sure.

I exceptionally want to fly an airplane.
Like, SO bad.

I want to fly any kind of airplane- anything. I even want to fly on a jet airplane. like those kind of airplane that are for soldiers you know, Air Forces?

I wanted to join the Air Force- actually. but idk, maybe because of i have too many dreams I got confused and mixed between all of them. it's weird. but i LOVE it.

thats all, i hope youre having a nice day also, i know who's reading this. Probably me, myself from the future.

or me myself NOW, after i just finished writing all of these. lol.

I got you, me. I got you.

I love you.

touch up

Aug. 23rd, 2016 09:06 pm
vlixzies: (Default)
hello!! long time no see!!

i'm back!!!!!!!
(ps. hello to my future self if you are reading this!!!)

now is currently 21:10pm on a Tuesday night. Tomorrow is Wed. And you know just how much I hate Wed and Thurs

actually i kinda like Thursday but sometimes I just don't because frickin too many school materials, uGH

this week is kinda a hell week to me. Monday we got more than two EXAMS and a MOUNTAIN OF HOMEWORKS.and on Tuesday we got a frickin map-making thingy magic which got me SUPER DIZZY and MADE ME WANT TO THROW UP.


bcs i was focusing so hard and it was like absorbing so much stuffs from my brain. and i'm completely DIZZY after that.

tomorrow we got a Sociology Test. :) brace myself.

and also German. I dislike it because of the teacher tho, no offense. She's so weird and annoying it's bugging me out, and EVERYONE ELSE.
I don't understand why she is like that tho, someone tell me???

On Thursday we got an Economic Test. :-))))))))))))))))))


And we also got a PRESENTATION a RELIGION PRESENTATION WHICH WE HAVE TO MEMORIZE. I don't understand what's with all of these things exams and presentation and SCORES i PUKED.

And the week hasn't finished already cause FRIDAY is coming and we have a GERMAN PRESENTATION about our FAMILY that is frickin annoying and we have to UNDERSTAND and MEMORIZE everything in German Language. and basically i'm not ready for that. Not. at. all.

we also got a PRESENTATION of the JOB we suggest (per group) and my group suggests BAND STUDIO. so we have to INTERVIEW the GODDAMN STUDIO and made a presentation of it wutTHE HELL.

I don't get it why............ LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm so done i am super done i dont know what to do.

I really am. dude

I mean at the same time i want to be a smart kid as always but it's just not letting me to . too many things at once i mean what the heck is wrong i just wanna have a little bit of fun during the week pLEASE.

I'm actually crying. about this HELL WEEK.

I guess that's all im tryin to say today. tonight actually. oh yeah, today i played basketball and everyone is watching me. I guess that's not a too too bad exercise after all. I could still do it(?)

I hope, though.

thank you everyone. and me. bye.

+ps i hate my chairmate so much please somebody take her away from me and i could sit with someone else in PEACE please i hate her so much..
vlixzies: (Default)

I am back again here in my house. I went back from my trip last week on Saturday. We arrived Sunday morning. My dad left the house to go back to his work on Monday evening. Andd yeaa obviously now I'm back again!

Actually the trip wasn't pretty bad though, it was fun. But I DID get an injury from a motorcycle accident. Dammit!!

Now I'm here waiting for school next week with an injury on my knee. Great. Just great.

I'm going to wait for school because I'm so hyped for the new grade. I hope Falea, my BFF will be in the same class as mine... Amin.

Bye everyone C :
vlixzies: (Default)

i thought we will be travelling back to our hometown on the weekends but NO!

we will travel TOMORROW!1!!!11!!!
I'M SO SHOCKED I CRIED I DON'T WANT TO :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I thought it's gonna be next weekend, I'm so sad: ((((((((((((((((
I want to stay home and enjoy the wi-fi and everything..

I hate my life.
vlixzies: (Default)

Today has been great, but also real busy. School was tiring like always, and I have always been tired at school. Probably because last night, I slept on 11:30pm. Don't judge this beautiful night owl, people.

I went to school quiet early this morning, because I was late yesterday.. so I was so afraid to come late again. The headmaster called me to her office yesterday and warned me.. so I'm really scared to be late AGAIN.

Today, I got a German Presentation, that has to be done in German Language. I'm not a native speaker, of course. But I am still learning German, so I'm kinda familiar with it.. but I'm still so nervous about it. I was actually really frickin' nervous and I'm shaking real hard. But, when I was called, I could do it... I think(?) I was so happy because I finally could finish it but I think I did poorly, but I'm still okay because I have finished the task, thankfully.

My crush?
OMG. Today he was sooo HaAAANDSOME. Like reallllly.
So we actually have our PE Class today, but the teacher said there is no PE. So we all gathered at class and did the exercise for PE in theory. I didn't do it, of course. Because I couldn't understand any single thing. But HE could. But I'm too shy to ask him, so I just adored him from afar. He was surrounded by his boys and some girls that were trying to ask for his help. I was so jealous, but I could handle them. He was not wearing his uniform, he was opening it and making his uniform became jacket. He wore a nice T-Shirt instead. A white one.

He was sooo handsome and cool in those. Like reeeallly. I could hug him instantly if I were not this shy.

So yeah.. that's today. Pretty nice indeed. I still haven't finished the Sociology task, but who cares? :D

Nobody in my class do it anyway, heehee.

I'm so happy because tomorrow I got to go to the movies with my BFF, Falea. We are going to watch Captain America:Civil War AGAIN! But now, we will be together. I CAN'T WAITTT TO SEE MY LOVES, ESPECIALLY TONY STARK!!! <333

That's all I guess. Thank you for reading this><


{PS: I will finish reading the book I borrowed from the school library tonight, I promise. But I don't want to give it back because the book is very cute>//< but I haven't even watched today's episode of My Amazing Boyfriend. Gotta go watch it after I pray!}

Love you all and keep on smiling. 끝.


Mar. 9th, 2016 01:27 pm
vlixzies: (Default)
hello, i am Vlixzies. You guys could call me Vlix for short.

In this blog, I will post many random things, such as song lyrics, pictures, rants, etc.
also some games and other stuffs. that's why i said earlier, it's random.

Even though it's random, it'll still be nice and fun to see. I promise (?)

crosses my hands.

well, that's my intro.



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